Hey there friends! I can't believe we are already celebrating one month with Jackson James. I said I would share our birth story, so without further ado, here it is!
*Disclaimer: If you're not someone who enjoys birth stories or gets triggered by hearing all the details, this post may not be for you. But I hope our story helps someone else as they prepare for their first baby, as many other stories helped me prepare for the arrival our little boy (and by prepare, I really mean surrender - to God's plan, to the pain, to the timing, all of it).
Still Waiting...
As I sat there on my couch on my 40th week of pregnancy, I stared at the little devotional book sitting on our coffee table: Waiting in Wonder by Catherine Claire Larson. "Waiting in wonder?" I thought to myself. "More like waiting in weariness."
I was so tired. I was still working full time and it was becoming hard to focus. Financially I was feeling overwhelmed. I was also growing anxious because Jackson was supposedly a big boy already. My doctors were already talking about a possible induction, for the sake of avoiding a potential C-Section if he became TOO big. I had asked to wait at least until my due date before talking seriously about scheduling an induction.
My sisters and I were all big babies - 9 to 10 lbs each! - and my mom didn't have a single C-section. I knew it was possible. I also didn't want to be talked into an epidural...not because I wanted the bragging rights of going "unmedicated" but because I wanted to be able to move around if needed and not feel confined to my bed. I firmly believed I would feel more relaxed and in control without one, even if it meant I could feel eeevvverything, (and this would prove to be true for me!).
Fast-forward to June 10th, 2021 - my due date. Still no baby, but we weren't that surprised. I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions all week, but nothing consistent. I went in for my 40-week check-up and to our surprise, I was already dilated 3cm! Everyone seemed really happy about this, and told me to monitor my symptoms diligently and keep in touch should things progress. I didn't have high hopes, as I've heard countless times that the first baby could take awhile...so that night I went home and tried to relax. I even bought ingredients to make a mango key lime pie, which I ended up pushing off for the next morning (hah!).
Jackson's Birthday
At 3:30am on June 11th, I woke up with contractions that were definitely more frequent and more uncomfortable than I had felt before. I timed them for awhile before finally waking Sebas up around 5am to tell him today might be the day. As I kept timing contractions, Sebas (a.k.a. husband/father of the year) got up and started tidying the house, walked the dog, took out the trash, all to make sure we had a clean and comfortable home to come back to. He then sat and prayed with me, and all the while, contractions remained short but getting closer together. I called my doctor and around 7am, when contractions were about 3-5 minutes apart, we were told to head to the hospital.
On the short drive, we texted family and friends that were on our way and to be praying. I cried on the way as it really started to hit me that we were going to have a baby TODAY. We got checked into triage, where my doctor came to check on things. I was now 4cm dilated and was told I wasn't leaving the hospital until we had a baby!
At this point I was asked again if I'd be wanting an epidural, to which I replied no. Turns out, I would be asked this question several times throughout the day...you really have to be confident in what you want well before you head to the hospital. I know if I hadn't been so sure of my decision, it would have become very easy, very quickly, to change course. Everyone who asked always said there would be absolutely no judgment if I decided to change my mind. I absolutely believe that...but I stuck to my guns. I'd rather be able to move around if I needed to, and Sebas was 100% supportive of me doing things as naturally as possible. I did sign a consent with an anesthesiologist to receive one in the case of an emergency C-section, but otherwise I stuck to my decision to go without one.
They moved us to a labor and delivery room, where we would spend the rest of the day (and night, it turned out). At first, things stayed mild but I definitely had to focus and breathe through contractions more. Sebas put on a playlist I had made while I was pregnant and stayed by my side, holding my hand through each wave. It was a mix that started with some lighthearted Jack Johnson tunes and the like, slowly progressing into more subdued but powerful worship songs I had hand-selected for when things got more intense. This ended up being a great thing for me...as many of you know, I'm a worship leader, and somehow every wave of pain, every wail (and I mean, I was LOUD), felt like my worship in that moment...to allow my body to do what it needed to do, so that Jackson could be born, all by the power and for the glory of God.
My doctor came in every couple hours to check how far along I was, and things seemed to progress slowly but steadily throughout the day. She did break my water, which I was okay with, if it meant things could move along without need for other interventions (like Pitocin). This seemed to help ramp things up sooner rather than later.
The nurse assigned to me was AWESOME - she was super encouraging and helpful throughout the whole process. She even snuck some pictures for us on my phone while Sebas was supporting me through the more intense contractions, which came out really beautiful.
Speaking of - that afternoon I had transitioned into the most intense pain I've ever been in in my life. The timeline gets a little blurry for me here...I was mainly focused on getting through each wave, using low-pitched vocalizing and leaning on Sebas (literally) to get through each one. Contractions were getting longer and harder and I actually told Sebas to turn off the music so I could focus better. I was so. loud. My nurse said later that my loud vocalizing was actually a good thing - it sounded crazy but also sounded in control, as I really was managing the pain in that way. Thankfully, because I wasn't on Pitocin and didn't get the epidural, I was able to be monitored intermittently at points and get up and move around. Being on my back for cervical checks was THE WORST...sitting up or standing felt way better.
After one particularly bad one I did cry out for the epidural - and Sebas, knowing exactly what I needed to hear (because I warned him ahead of time this might happen - ladies, it's good to prepare your man for what you might need!), gently told me that no, I don't need one. Any time I told him I didn't think I could do it, he always said something like "Yes you can, you're already doing it! Fight through it! You're doing amazing. Focus on breathing. You're doing it." All the positive affirmations I needed to just keep going.
As I entered what I assume to be the "transition" stage, things started to get unbearable very quickly. Every cervical check was awful because I had to be on my back. I felt like I couldn't get to 10cm fast enough (even though, looking back, I progressed pretty quickly all things considered, especially for not being on Pitocin). The last few waves of contractions, I started to feel an involuntary urge to PUSH - I knew, Jackson was on his way out. (FYI - it's true what you may have heard. You might poop while in labor. It happens, and no one attending to you will be surprised or offended by this lol). It took several of these "pushy" waves before my doctor was called back in. She checked me one more time - finally 10cm.
It was a blur of nurses in and out as they rearranged the room to get ready for the delivery. Next thing I knew they were raising me up on the bed, Sebas at my left shoulder ready to help support. It was time - again the timeline is blurry, but I know at this point I felt more in control of what was happening and even more productive, because I knew Jackson would be here so, so soon.
My doctor talked me through how to push - At this point it was like I had a whole cheerleading squad in the room with me - nurses, my OB team, and the pediatric doctor they call in just in case (who incidentally was the only other man in the room besides Sebas). I thought having that many people in the room would stress me out, but I ended up loving it. The pediatric doctor was so positive, kept telling me "This is the one! This is the push we need!" Everyone cheered me on, Sebas right along with them, "Come on mama! Everything you've got! He's almost here!" It felt like I had an army of angels speaking life into the moment, giving me the encouragement I needed to keep going.
I think this part lasted maybe 30 minutes before I could feel his head crowning, and I felt that "ring of fire" I'd read about. They asked if I wanted to feel the head which I did - I think I must have been in shock or something because I don't remember reacting or saying anything when I felt his hairy little noggin peaking out, but it was motivation to keep going.
He must've been stuck like that for a bit because after a few more pushes I was asked if I'd be willing to do an episiotomy. I looked at Sebas, who knew in advance this was not something I wanted, but would do if it was an absolute emergency. He said the magic words I needed right then: "Let's try one more time mama, just one more good push, and then we'll see." I nodded my head and geared up for another round.
A few short, hard minutes later, all in one good final push, Jackson was here. He entered our world at 5:33pm on June 11th, 2021. At 7lbs, 10oz and 21 inches long, he was actually much smaller than they were telling me he would be in the weeks prior. He was healthy and crying and absolutely perfect. I got to hold Jackson skin-to-skin pretty much immediately while Sebas got to cut the cord. I was so zoned in on his beautiful face I didn't even bother to look at everything else that was happening - I couldn't tell you what the umbilical cord looked like or what the placenta looked like (Sebas probably could though, haha!). I was just in awe that our little boy was finally in my arms.
I did suffer a 2nd-degree tear, which they were stitching up while I held Jackson, Sebas still at my side, both of us just taking it all in. I couldn't believe he was here. I also couldn't believe I wasn't crying yet...I guess the adrenaline of labor and delivery left me feeling both strong and completely exhausted at the same time. I was just so happy it was over, that he was here, and got to keep my birth plan of an all-natural hospital delivery.
The nurses were all so funny about wanting to get pictures for us...I assured them it was okay if we didn't capture EVERYTHING....but they were kind enough to snap photos on Sebas's phone of us holding our son for the first time (which I've elected not to share here because I'm not very decent in them - skin-to-skin, people! But I did get a cute selfie of the three of us later).
Also, the doctors are now obsessed with my husband...they kept saying we made such a great team and were so impressed by the support that he was, which was so special to hear.
Post-Partum
This is the part I think I was totally unprepared for, and another reason I was glad I opted for a hospital delivery. I don't know how I would have done at home on our own in those first couple hours and days after delivering Jackson. I was sore - so sore in fact, I could barely move my legs without help. I couldn't pee initially - they had to empty my bladder via catheter so that my uterus had room to readjust and shrink back down to it's normal size and position. I almost passed out while a nurse helped me to the bathroom - probably because I hadn't eaten all day and my blood sugar had dropped (this would happen one or two more times over the next couple days actually). Also, I was basically wearing diapers - between the bleeding and the inability to hold my pee, I was a complete mess.
On top of this, there was a baby now. I hated not being able to move as freely or as quickly as I wanted to care for him. Jackson had to feed every two hours, and learning how to breastfeed him is one of the hardest things I've ever done (besides actually giving birth). In fact, we're still trying to get the hang of it...it's been painful at times, leaving me so sore. We've sought help from lactation consultants and things are getting better, but it's been surprisingly difficult to say the least.
We stayed in the hospital from Friday through Sunday afternoon, when we were finally discharged and sent home. At home, the "baby blues" started to hit me hard. They always say to monitor for signs of postpartum depression, which thankfully I did not have. But that first week was really, really hard for me mentally and emotionally. I understand now that it's all due to this huge hormonal shift the body goes through once it realizes it's no longer pregnant. But it felt like a big, weighty cloud for awhile that made it easy to feel hopeless and extremely anxious.
I even woke up late one night shaking uncontrollably. Thinking something was wrong with me physically, I begged Sebas to check if I was bleeding, or to call my doctor, because something was definitely wrong. He realized, much sooner than I, that I was experiencing very intense anxiety, something we now think the enemy definitely tries to use in these precious days to spiritually attack new parents. I couldn't pray. I couldn't listen to worship music. But Sebas was amazing through all of this...any time I've gotten down, or felt scared or anxious, he has been quick to speak bold truth into that and remind me that this is not forever, that this is the hardest part and things will get better. He never once judged or got frustrated with me. He was always gentle with me but bold in his ability to remind me of what's true. I am so, so grateful for my husband, you guys.
And now, 1 month post-partum, I have felt the clouds lift more and more each day. I'm healing well, and grateful to be able to move around much more freely. Breastfeeding is still a challenge but Jackson and I are taking it day by day, and he's eating and gaining weight, thank God. Sebas is back at work and the times I have to be by myself with Jackson get a little easier each time.
Seeing friends and family helps lift my spirits. My parents and one of my sisters got to come visit from out of town for a couple days and that began to help me feel more like myself. Our family and friends have been incredibly supportive, even though because of COVID protocols, most people were not able to visit us in the hospital. They sent us food, blankets, phone chargers, and lots of well-wishes and prayers. I am seriously so grateful for the people we have doing life with us here in Miami...it has made this whole experience sweeter and easier to bear.
And of course, we are obsessed with our son. We love all his funny little faces and his adorable sneezes. Our dog Juju is doing great with him - super interested and concerned, but always calm and gentle around the baby hooman. He seemed to get it right away that this little guy is now "part of the pack." I'm convinced talking to your pets about this beforehand does help!
We are so in love, and so grateful for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy, beautiful baby. Here's to Jackson James. <3
Comments
Post a Comment